North Korea Declares Earth Hour Supremacy
Citing a “Full scale readiness in total supremacy for the preservation of the people,” the state-controlled Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) of North Korea is claiming their remote country to have bested all other nations on the planet in Earth Hour participation, providing satellite imagery showing electrical lighting to have already been completely turned off in as much as 97% of the country.
“Thanks to the personal inspection of every light bulb in the glorious People’s Republic by General Secretary Kim Jong-Il earlier this morning, immediate advisory was immediately enacted upon for the further guidance of the people,” said a KCNA release, further detailing how preparations for Earth Hour were to be met by continuing a ‘perfect’ energy policy that has been in place since approximately 1998.
The policy – long thought by international observers to be evidence of huge resource deficits in the impoverished state – has now been revealed merely as long-term planning for the World Wildlife Fund sponsored event, which began in 2007. “In collaboration with the China Panda Bear Allied Wrestling Association of Earth Hour sponsorship, we are committed to show the resolve of the Eternal Leader in the socialist progress of the people,” said a North Korean official, in response to nothing in particular.
“Through the exceptional wisdom of the eternal Juche idea,” he added, “North Korea has been careful plotting in the defeat of the American-Japanese imperialist invaders in this significant contest of air raid preparedness.”
Labeling other nations as ‘Weak’, ‘Foolish’ and ‘Not Korea’, the DPRK is also claiming plans to display their superiority by continuing to celebrate Earth Hour on an indefinite basis. “The invincible commander Kim Jong Il has instructed the people to pursue the highest level of revolutionary ideal,” said a DPRK spokesman. “There must be no faltering in the historical progress from one Earth Hour to another, and so the people deciared to embrace a full victory of the situation.”
In areas of the DPRK accessible to anyone recording anything, sentiment was reported as positive. “I am thankful to the party and to our father Kim Il Sung for his guidance in this Earth Hour,” said a citizen in Pyongyang, accompanied by several friends from local authorities. “Many weak nations who are distorted by class enemies are no doubt caught in vanity, and wish to be able to look at their countries at all times – I have no desire to look at mine.”
A single burst of light remaining on the satellite imagery was reported to be generated by Kim Jong Il himself, who is known to have been significantly luminous since being born upon a double rainbow at Mt. Baekdu. North Korean officials maintain that the burst has been exaggerated by U.S. invaders, who intentionally took the satellite photograph while Kim was creating storms.
